Let’s get high.

Hello, tell me you know, tell me you’ve figured me out and perhaps, drop me a sign. Well, if i should be bold, i’d ask you to hold my heart in your hand.

Feeling lost was not jotted down in my initial itinerary for this one month break before enlistment. However, and disappointingly, i often find myself having last minute plans, scrabbling for as much company as i could for the day, finding every opportunity i could to be out, out there.

Have been talking to some adults in the working world, and they all seem to disapprove my decision to go overseas for further studies. Having a place in local university and giving it up to spend two hundred thousand dollars overseas is for the living insane was the idea injected into my cramped up mind. Am i officially back to square one i would like to ask myself, honestly, i still haven made up my mind.

Perhaps the time in army will be good, the one year ten months, surplus amount of time will be just nice for me to make up my faltering mind.

I met up with my friend late last night at dempsey for catching up and talking to her made me think about my current problem. I would not want to say it’s a problem, being single is not a problem, it has become exceptionally normal to me. The amount of personal time i have for myself, the zero commitment and having no authority to report to makes life simply carefree. Yet, there’s always the curious side of me wanting to discover the way back into love again.

Being in love is good isn’t it? There were moments when i questioned about if i ever, ever fell in love, and was it love before, me trying to be a perfectionist holding on, or that irresistible infatuation that i ever so willingly fall into.

Building on honesty, i got to admit i am interested in someone, and there’s this burning desire in me to know her better. But judging on my intuition and being afraid to step into that mine field again, i feel myself backtracking, wait, or is she backtracking? Correction, personally, i still feel like i’m a stranger to her. Well, come on man, give me some credit for my effort at least.

Thinking about the other competitiors that are interested in her, the sour feeling slowly streak up my nerves. Yes yes, who doesn’t want a good girl right? Then i started thinking about where i stand, and often, i find myself waving frantically at the back of the line trying to get some attention.

Twenty three days and counting down to enlistment, perhaps i should just remain silence because obviously it won’t happen.

Out of a sudden, i just miss my sister so much. When i’m in need of sensible opinions, i could just walk to her room and rant all i want. How unfortunate, now all i could do is wordpress this down.

I wish i’m able to snap my fingers, pop back into the real world and quit thinking. I wish i’m able to sip Riesling by the river near North Terrace. I wish i can be out there everyday with my friends eventhough the outings might become more and more aimless. I wish, i wish.

Having used hello to start, it’s now for end with a goodbye. Baby that’s a case of my wishful thinking, you know nothing, you know nothing.

P.S Pardon the random thoughts, lack of organization and grammatical errors. I simply wrote what came to mind.

Question, why do Janice still hover through my line of thoughts at times, why?

Technorati Tags: Life Thoughts Rants Relationship

I had my Business Management interview at Singapore Management University (SMU) today, and gosh, what an ordeal.

Upon reaching Lee Kong Chian School of Business, i was certainly hoping for some familiar faces to ease the tension, instead a group of people giving the blur shy body language was all i had.

Moving on, after the registration and verification of my documents, i was presented with a group number and ushered into a classroom. The next instruction given was to write your name in a loud manner on a piece of paper, which will be used as a name card, the budget/cheapo/non-environmental way.

Anyhow, a guy with a well tailored business wear came in and started the ball rolling. He announced that we should be feeling privileged because we are the two thousand applicants out of ten thousand plus applicants this year who have been selected for the interview. After this round of interview, only six hundred lucky/well deserved applicants will be finally selected for enrollment.

He handed out each of us a set of essay questions which must be completed in less than five hundred words and within forty five minutes. I was like totally not prepared for this, hence, i randomly picked the first question, being the most straight forward, “tell your friend about your learning style”. Made full use of the whole forty five minutes, and completed on the dot without the chance to even read through once. Honestly, i had a gut feeling that i wrote totally out of point (too used to random thoughts when wordpressing) and i had an atrocious amount of spelling errors, worst still, sentence structuring disaster. Suddenly, being able to type on a keyboard with spell check in place, made me feel relieved.

Following that, a newspaper article was then handed out, and we were given ten minutes to read through with analysis. Prima facie, it talks about the political movements around the globe, on how the youth are starting to play their part and actually rocking the votes, on how the internet plays it’s essential role on spreading the critical information and et certa. In a group of eight, we will then be thrown into a classroom environment to have an active discussion with two professor from the University.

While waiting for the group discussion part, i ran a quick survey and found out that the majority were from Junior Colleges, only a small handful from the Polytechnic side. My group consist of ex Raffles, Nan Yang, Anglo Chinese and Saint Andrew Junior College students, and guess what, most of them have four, freaking four straight A grades for their A level. When i probe into that matter, they replied unitedly, “oh, half my class had that score too, it’s a norm”. I was extremely tempted to start clapping, extremely.

Anyhow, the pressure started to mounts up on me.

Finally, the group discussion started and our interviewer were from China and Germany teaching marketing/creativity. Thank goodness the German guy, was very friendly and vocal, reminding me of Mr Mirko Stoll from Ngee Ann. The professors started asking questions related to the politics, such as why the youths are starting to be involved, how do we get the Singapore youths involved in this aspect and et certa.

Thank God, i was good at smoking my way through such situations, or at least, i tried to act active and remain vocal. Brain juice leeching questions were thrown at us, and the guy who sat beside me who was from Raffles, gave a lengthy thought provoking comment regarding the issues, and i was like “siao liao lor, mai wa-yang leh”. With all due respect, i felt some points mentioned by the group members were absolutely spaced out. There was a burning desire to offer my two cents/i beg to differ on many occasions, however, i just decided to hold back, just didn’t wanna upset anyone, perhaps, embarrass myself. I realised, all i did was answer the questions they poised immediately in a very brief manner, then just go leaning back, and observe the tense discussion affront by the others.

Towards the end, the professors explained the whole rational of making us go through this, which was to ensure if we will like to learn in this sort of environment. Then it was farewell.

Having the luxury of a straight bus from home there kinda consoled me, because i doubt i will get chosen in such a tough competition situation. Perhaps, the group discussion/interview, i might still stand a slight chance, but the essay had seriously gone haywire. Hello, engineering student here, /wave. Currently, i’m still amused with whatever i vomited in there, such lack of class and effort i must say, damn.

If i do not get in, perhaps, business management, and furthering my education in SMU is way, way out of my leauge. If i do get in, it will become an added bonus to my choices then, but being a realistic person, the probability is too low. No hard feeling, afterall it’s the experienced given that counts, and yes, i have two more years to apply and consider about everything. Perhaps go through this again.

In conclusion, i didn’t expect this at all, i thought it was a simple one on one interview, asking the usual “why SMU” and “why this course” type of questions. What pissed me off was when i heard the instructions, and gave the jaw dropped face to some random girl, she said “gosh, you mean, you didn’t know? my friends told me all about it”. Yea, and i bet you expected me to have went on to eBay to search for SMU interview 101, betcha.

Yet another learning point, gasp for oxygen.

Technorati Tags: F.Y.I Life Thoughts Rants Singapore Management University SMU Interview Business

Well, it’s a pity that i can only attach the pre-chorus and chorus. Play this piece with melancholy, press the sustain/damper pedal at the start of each bar seems to be able to achieve better effects, that’s just my two cents by the way.

I woke up today having an urge to play this piece badly partly because it’s April fool’s day, and the foolishness seem to grab hold of my mental state.

Happy April fools’ day people before it slip my mind like for everything else, anyhow it’s actually a good day to confess to someone you love.

If it turns out well, well done, i’m happy for you.

If it turns out bad, like the rejection kind of scenario, just use April fool as a cover up. Tension eased, awkwardness discounted, and viola, back to square one. You can always insert another coin for second try in future, a year later i would suggest, but by then a new challenger would have arrived.

On a more serious tone, today, annually reminds me of someone, somewhere and the earth beneath my feet. My mind’s like a big twirl of unpacked wires, trying to coil them up causes dead knots on the others, but i can’t help being anal. The need of details, order and the perfection part of me is absolutely soul leeching. Somehow, i want everything to come to a standstill, so i can rearrange all my priorities and untie the nitty gritty knots in life with snail speed.

I don’t want to spend my life on trial for something that i did not do. And maybe if you stopped and looked around some time, i wouldn’t pass right by you. Maybe it’s because you are so insecure, maybe your plain don’t care. Maybe it’s the chase that really gets me off, i fall so when it’s just not there.

Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me. It’s such a shame that you shot me down, it would have been nice to be around.

Burn another bridge, break another heart. Try again, it will only fall apart.

Technorati Tags: F.Y.I Life Thoughts Piano Piece Happy April Fools